West of the Moon
A Tolkien Fanfiction Archive
The Giggle Fits of Moria
Frodo and Sam succumb to nervous laughter in the mines of Moria. Nothing like a giggle fit, a ticklish friend, and a lot of conveniently dark corners to get someone in the mood...
Gandalf didn't know which tunnel to take. The darkness of Moria surrounded
the members of the fellowship (and Gollum, who of course liked darkness). As
Gandalf sat pondering the possibilities, Aragorn and Boromir stood in a corner,
sharing orc-killing stories, and Legolas examined a decaying wooden shield on
the floor to see what kind of tree it was from. Gimli stood near Gandalf, trying
to be helpful with his memories of the mines, and not succeeding. Merry and
Pippin were arguing about how to cook their last potato, assuming they would
live till dinnertime.
Frodo sat watching his companions morosely, the Ring dangling on its chain around his neck. Sam sat beside him on the step of cold rock, wishing there was something he could say to cheer up his master.
"Why did I agree to do this, Sam," Frodo said. It was a defeated-sounding statement, not really a question.
"It'll be all right, Mr. Frodo," Sam answered, uncertainly.
"Look at us," continued Frodo. "We're sealed in a horrible, endless cave, with that Gollum creature lurking behind us--yes, I know he's there--, and heaven knows how many other awful things creeping around, wishing to eat us for lunch. And all because I said, 'Oh, I know, let's go through the mines. This snow is just so awfully cold.' Why do you all listen to me?"
"I'm sure we'd've died on that mountain otherwise. Don't you fret any more about it," said Sam.
Frodo didn't answer. He just stared ahead, into the shadows. Then suddenly he giggled, startling Sam.
"What's funny?" Sam asked.
"That Watcher," Frodo said. Another giggle escaped him. "The way it flung me about in the air like that. It must have looked ridiculous."
Sam just stared.
"And Merry and Pippin throwing rocks in the water," Frodo continued, giggling more, "not knowing that there was a huge, vicious, tentacled creature lurking right underneath the surface..." He was now giggling too much to continue talking. He covered his mouth with one hand and leaned against Sam, who continued staring at him.
Merry and Pippin had stopped arguing long enough to stare at Frodo too. They glanced uneasily at each other and turned away. Probably figured the Ring was causing Frodo to go slowly insane.
"I'm not sure as it's funny," Sam ventured to say. "I'm glad you're all right, naturally, but it gave us all quite a scare."
"Oh, Sam, I'm sorry," laughed Frodo. "It isn't funny. You're right. It's just that there's nothing else to do when things become so awful. It's nervous laughter, I suppose. But it's better than being afraid, isn't it?"
Sam smiled a bit. "I suppose that's true."
Frodo chuckled once more, then sighed, his head still resting on Sam's shoulder.
Sam suddenly giggled.
"Hmm?" Frodo asked.
"You did look a bit funny, getting swung about in the air like that," Sam said, and grinned at Frodo.
Frodo grinned back. "That's the spirit. Make me laugh, Samwise. I'll be forever in your debt."
"Make you laugh. Well, let's see now..." Sam turned to look at their other companions. "You didn't see, but at Rivendell, Merry found these two long leaves, and stuck them in Pippin's hair when he wasn't looking, and Pippin went about half the day with what looked like green donkey ears on top of his fool head. Couldn't work out why the elves kept snickering at him."
Frodo burst into giggles, tumbling halfway into Sam's lap. "Oh, brilliant! I wish I'd seen it! Tell me more. What else?"
"What else...hmm." Emboldened by his friend's warmth pressed familiarly against his side, Sam chuckled and said, "All right, this is funny, but in a sad pathetic kind of way. 'You've been walking about with nothing but lads for too long, Samwise Gamgee,' is what you'll say when I tell you this."
Frodo chuckled, in a new, lower-pitched kind of way, and asked, "Why? Have you found yourself noticing what a luscious mouth Legolas has?"
Startled, Sam looked at Frodo, then grinned. "Aye, actually, something like that. Only it was his firm rear I was going to mention."
Frodo and Sam locked eye contact for a few silent seconds, then both collapsed in laughter. They fell off the step and rolled around together on the rock floor.
"What on Middle-earth has got hold of you two?" demanded Aragorn, from across the room.
"Keep it down, you fools!" growled Gimli.
"Really, lads, it's good to hear laughter again, but I can't concentrate," Gandalf added.
"Must I come sit on the pair of you to keep you quiet?" threatened Legolas--which of course just made Frodo and Sam start laughing again.
Pippin approached carefully. "Frodo, are you feeling all right?"
Frodo sat up and composed himself. "Yes. Yes, thank you, Pippin; I feel much better."
As the rest of the group slowly went back to what they had been doing, Frodo nudged Sam, who was sitting up beside him now. "You're incorrigible."
"Me?" Sam grinned. "I'm not the one lettin' Mr. Strider fondle me at every rough spot in the terrain."
Frodo gasped, pretending to be offended.
"Oh, please," Sam continued. "You enjoy it."
"And you're just jealous," countered Frodo, and stuck out his tongue.
"Master hobbits," called Boromir. Frodo and Sam looked up from the floor. The other seven were standing at the entrance to a tunnel, waiting. "Gandalf has chosen this one. Are you coming or not?"
"Yes, Boromir, thank you," answered Frodo. He rose to his feet; Sam scrambled up too. Frodo waited until the others had turned toward the tunnel, then quickly he spun, seized Sam's shoulders, and gave him a kiss on the mouth. He laughed at Sam's astonishment. "There! Knew that would make us laugh. Come on, we must catch up."
Sam paused before following Frodo, a slow smile forming on his lips.
The group went deeper into the tunnel, and the darkness grew. Frodo kept slipping a hand behind Sam to give him a pinch, or a tickle--anything to keep the pair of them giggling. Sam soon began to return the favor, finding it was keeping him strangely warm, in some places more than others.
At one point the group stopped, and Gandalf, Legolas, and Gimli began arguing over a scrap of map, in the dim light from Gandalf's staff.
Frodo turned to look at the group near the map, and murmured to Sam, "Oh my. I'm quite sure Aragorn just brushed his hand across the elf's rump."
"No! Honest?" said Sam, looking that direction.
"Legolas jumped a mile," giggled Frodo. "I guess I'm not the only one Strider fancies."
Sam began giggling helplessly. He could see Legolas glowering into the shadows, where Aragorn stood, looking innocent. "Do you suppose the dwarves were fondlin' each other left and right, in all this close darkness?" he mused.
"Hmm, don't know. Better keep an eye on Gimli's hands. In fact-- yep, pretty sure he just stroked Boromir on the knee."
Sam snorted with new laughter. Then he turned, peered into the dark, and whispered in Frodo's ear, "Think Merry and Pippin have slipped behind that rock to make out, there."
Frodo fought back an explosion of giggles. Then he peered closer into the shadows. "Goodness, Sam, I think you're right. Hah! My innocent little cousins!" He doubled over, laughing in astonishment. "Oh, this will be rich material when we get back to the Shire!"
"Like you ought to talk, Mr. Frodo," teased Sam.
Frodo looked at him and made a face playfully. "Point well taken. I suppose, in all this darkness, with all this going on--" He nodded to the others around them. "--no one will believe I only kissed you."
"And a mere once, at that." Sam grinned.
"Hmm." Frodo gazed at his companion, then took him by the wrist and pulled him into the shadow of a large rock. "Then let's give the Shire something more to talk about. Come on, just because it'll make me laugh." Frodo's hands were now sliding around Sam's ribs, onto his back.
Sam's breathing was getting shallow. "Well, just if it'll make you laugh, then, sir," he agreed, huskily.
Their lips met in the dark, warm and damp from laughter. Sam felt Frodo grin against his mouth, and he grinned in return.
"Why ever didn't I attack you like this in my garden?" Frodo murmured.
"Probably would've set the neighbors wondering," Sam answered, and they both giggled again, clutching each other tight. Now their hips were locked together, and Sam could tell that Frodo wasn't doing this just for giggles--as neither was he. Frodo sighed in pleasure, and began kissing him again. Their tongues met and tangled; Frodo's hand slid into Sam's breeches and pinched his rear.
"Naughty," Sam remarked, and bit Frodo's ear.
He was just getting Frodo's breeches unfastened when a harsh white light fell on them. They cringed and looked up. Gandalf, holding the lighted staff, sighed upon seeing them.
"Really, my boys, we all do it, but there might be orcs here, don't you see."
"Yes, Gandalf," Frodo said contritely.
"Sorry, Mr. Gandalf," Sam added.
"Come along, then." Gandalf turned away.
As soon as the light had fallen away from them, Sam and Frodo burst into new giggles. "Oh--we're in trouble now," Frodo gasped, making his way down the tunnel with Sam's arm around him.
"Never live it down," Sam managed to say, between giggles.
"Probably get asked for a threesome by...Strider..." Frodo managed to say, wiping tears of laughter from his cheeks.
"Or Legolas," gasped Sam. "He could wrap the both of us up in that...silky hair..."
They could barely walk, they were laughing so hard.
"Oh, Sam!" sighed Frodo. "The imagination we have. Isn't it wonderful?"
"Anything to keep you smiling, Mr. Frodo. Anything it takes."
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