West of the Moon
A Tolkien Fanfiction Archive
Words Too Big
After the end of all things, Frodo awakens...
I hesitated when I walked into the room, scared of how he might look. All the rest were there already, the whole Fellowship. Well, all except Boromir of course.
He was sitting up on the bed, his cousins bouncing around him, talking over each other and laughing. That light that I saw in him sometimes was so bright now, it fair made my eyes water. It made his face look that pale and thin, too, against the dark circles under his eyes.
He looked up and saw me. I wanted to go right to him, to take him in my arms and tell him... Well I wasn't sure what I'd say. What was between us was too big for words now, seemingly, and we could only look at each other and hope our eyes spoke our hearts.
I was grateful when Gandalf finally shooed the others out the door ahead of himself and even more grateful that Gandalf bade me stay. When they had gone, I turned back towards the bed, and we smiled at each other, a little uncertain at first.
We talked then, of smaller things, of the joy of seeing Gandalf alive, how tall Merry and Pippin had become, the strange paths the others had taken. They brought us some food, and I helped him eat, seeing as his one hand was bandaged and he was a bit awkward with the other.
It grew dark, and I lit candles and a small fire. Although the days were mild, the night grew chill when the wind blew off the snow topped mountains behind us.
He was looking tired, so I told him he should sleep now.
"Stay with me, please." His voice was a bare whisper. I climbed into the wide bed with him.
We lay together as we had near the end of our journey when we had given up all pretense of setting watch, with my back against his chest and his arm around me, the only way he could protect me against the terrors around us. This time though, rather than lying upon sharp, rocky ground, we lay in the softest of feather beds. Instead of filthy rags, we wore finely woven linens. Instead of the stink of ash and our unwashed bodies, there was the fragrance of soap and flowers and herbs.
I smelled too the scent that was uniquely his. It reminded me achingly of home, of the Bag End gardens and brilliant sun-filled days and gentle moonlit nights. His breathing had slowed, and I thought perhaps he had fallen asleep. His warmth poured into my chilled body and filled it with the remembrance of home, of the quiet simple life left behind, and a dream of more. A sudden pang of want and longing filled me, and I shivered slightly although I was no longer cold.
He must have sensed it even in his sleep, for he stirred and murmured something incoherent into the nape of my neck. His arm tightened around me then he lay still again. But my longing grew, and the silence of the unsaid words too, until I had to turn in his arms to face him.
I wasn't really asleep, more dozing like. Knowing that I was holding him safe in my arms kept real sleep away. When he moved all of a sudden, that woke me right up, and I opened my eyes to see his face just inches from mine. His eyes were wide and dark, and his breathing a little fast. Worry, which I thought was finally gone, came back in a rush.
"What's wrong?" I asked, but he just shook his head slightly. Then his unbandaged hand came up slowly and he laid it against my cheek.
I had to close my eyes at that, and sigh and lean a little into that hand. His touch reached right down to my heart. He said my name softly, and I opened my eyes to see his face even closer, his eyes that deep and blue, like that lake that he saved me from, when I was drowning and I couldn't breathe.
He saved me again, when our lips met.
Oh and it was sweeter than I ever imagined. We broke apart, both of us breathing fast now, and looking at each other with a question in our eyes. Another kiss, deeper and sweeter still, and there was no doubt now of what we both knew. It was a flurry then of kisses and moans and soft cries, fumbling with clothes and urgent touching and thrusting, until we found a rhythm that brought us both to blissful release calling each other's names like a blessing.
We lay facing each other, sharing sweet smiles and soft kisses until, just before sleep claimed us, the words could finally be spoken.
"I love you."
"I've always loved you. And will as long as you let me."
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